Bag of Dreams
Yesterday I was in line to pick up a prescription. There were a few people ahead of me and it could be quick or it could take a very long time, there is never a way to know. Avi is home for a few days, which is rare and treasured, I still had so much work to do to have the new project reveal ready for today, and I had accidentally left my phone at home, which is it’s own stressor. When I left the house I was feeling vulnerable. It’s autumn and my body is ok without an added layer, but also ok with, so I made a quick decision to wear my gorgeous deep blue wool coat. It felt like it would hold me safely.
I took my place in line and the woman in front of me turned around and told me how beautiful my coat was. I thanked her, told her that I also really love it, and that I decided to wear it because I was feeling vulnerable and needed an extra layer around me. This total stranger then asked me how my day has been. I gave a vague response, asked her about hers, and she told me it had been lovely. I asked her to tell me more about it and we quickly moved into a conversation about the death of our mothers, being present as they were dying, family dynamics, and so much more. The world slowed down (the line wasn’t moving anywhere) and there was a breath of beauty, grace, and magic.
Preparing for this project launch has kicked my butt. They all do in their own ways. In my personal life I have been working at slowing down to a pace where I can be more present in my life. It is not easy. I have chosen to postpone the project reveal for a couple of days so that I can finish it in a way that doesn’t hurt, but life has it’s ways, things come up, and I am still behind…struggling with my inner demons who are yelling that I will never be able to get this right.
A few days ago, a weaver from Nevada came by the shop. She has been a club member for a while and it was lovely to get to meet her in person. As she was walking out the door she casually said, “we need you”. I asked her to repeat it because I needed to hear it again. I am choosing to believe that I am not only needed, but I am needed in my full self, which means that I work right up to deadlines, things are never as crisp and organized as I would like, and sometimes I get stressed and grumpy. This morning it means that the reveal is not happening first thing in the morning and I am choosing to take the space to write.
These are my dreams…that I can slow down and be present enough to have a very beautiful and intense conversation with a stranger. That my son gets to live in a world that is healing and not on the brink of destruction. That there is peace.
What is in your bag of dreams?